Friday, August 21, 2015

Stable Stories - Married with Horses

I sat down to interview a friend’s non-horsey husband. I wanted to find out just what he thinks of his wife’s horse habit:

Q: Do you know what Hand Grazing is?
A: It’s when I pull $20 bills out of my pocket and feed them to the horse, right?

Q: What chores do you help with around the farm?
A: How much time do we have? Let’s just say the honey do list never ends and she has me building all kinds of crazy contraptions for her to prance over. The most enjoyable thing for me is driving my tractor, using ABI Equine’s TR3 and doing “Man Work”.
Q: (laughs) What constitutes “Man Work”?
A: Chopping wood, digging in the dirt and using heavy duty power tools.

Q: When you see your wife riding her horse, what do you see?
A: (laugh) Apart from the $100 bills floating away in the dust, I see a strong, passionate person with unyielding love for her horse and the sport.

Q: What discipline does your wife ride?
A: Western, but that’s the extent of my knowledge. I’m trying to learn, but I will admit that I don’t know all the rules & the lingo. Sometimes I feel like throwing the red challenge flag at the judges for a review. And I could definitely use a color commentator telling me what is actually happening in the arena.

Q: Driving the truck & trailer to the horse shows must be fun, right?
A: Are you kidding? She won’t let me drive! I lose all rights to the truck come Thursday night when she is packing to leave for the weekend spending spree.

Q: If your wife spends so much time in the barn, do you do most of the house work?
A: Heck No! We hired a cleaning lady. My wife would rather clean stalls than clean the house.

Q: All right tough guy, what do you say to your wife right before she walks into the ring?
A: You mean after I’m done polishing her boots? (laughs) I tell her, “I’m so proud of you and no matter what happens, I love you!”.

Q: I’m charmed. Thanks for your time!

Our habits as equestrians and the fierce love we have for our horse partners can sometimes leave outsiders scratching their heads in wonderment... but we wouldn’t have it any other way. My interviewee mentioned that he enjoyed how happy it made his wife. He proudly proclaimed he is the honorary treat giver (and that the horse likes him better than his wife).

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Stable Stories - Barn Cleaner Confessions

Stable Stories - Barn Cleaner Confessions

Attention 4-Legged Manure Machines,
Every morning I’m reminded why I love being an equestrian when I’m greeted with your sweet knickers and bright eyes.
But, that moment instantly dissipates as I gaze upon the disaster that is your stall. I now know how a hotel housekeeper must feel after a night of Keith Richards' post-concert debauchery! Living in a stall is a privilege that can easily be revoked. These are my grievances. You know who you are:
To My Texas Tornado,
I understand that being in a 10x10 stall all night isn’t your idea of a luxury suite, but stirring it up like a Vitamix blender doesn’t help anyone. You insist on making perfectly-mixed smoothies out of every bit of bedding, hay, and manure you can put your hooves on. Then, you proceed to lie in the middle of it, turning your coat into a stinky shade of yellow instead of your beautiful dapple grey.
To My Hay Burner,
The fact that you enjoy the alfalfa is wonderful, but do you really have to discard the grass portion to the corner of your stall before pooping on it? It is perfectly good hay! Asking for more during my night check just because you are still hungry is not helping your cause, Mr. Picky. Let’s try to eat all the contents of your hay and quit being a diva.

To My Bucket Champ,
While your stall is the cleanest of them all (with only a wet spot in the middle), the presents inside your water bucket and feeder, I do not enjoy. Your uncanny ability to aim into these small spaces is quite impressive, but it is more than I want to deal with every bleary-eyed morning. This is a great trick, but please make it happen in a corner. Not in the bucket.

The only part about cleaning your stalls that I truly enjoy is using my ABI Manure Spreader. While you are outside enjoying the lush grass, I am taking care of the disasters that you call home. Not too long ago, you didn’t have impeccable pastures because our last spreader couldn’t shred all of your bedding and hay. I also trust that you've noticed the reduction in flies and gnats pestering you.

I hope you appreciate all the care I put in to making your home comfortable and healthy. Without my ABI Manure Spreader, so little of it would be possible!

All the love I can muster,

Your Human

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